Resource Aid Center

6 min read · Last updated July 17, 2026

In this article

– The first hours: is she safe tonight – Who legally holds authority – One free phone call – If your parent is in the hospital – In-home, assisted living, or nursing home – Mistakes that cost families – The next 30, 60, and 90 days – FAQ

Your mother fell in the kitchen at 6 a.m., and by the time the paramedics packed up, one fact was settled: she cannot go back to living by herself. The next three days will feel like a blur of phone calls and hard questions. Taken in order, they are manageable. Taken all at once, they are not.

The first hours: is she safe tonight

Before any long-term plan, answer one question: is your parent safe where she is right now? If she is home, that means no unattended stove, a clear path to the bathroom, medications she can actually manage, and a way to call for help. If the fall involved a head injury, confusion, or she could not get up, the emergency room is the right call, not a wait-and-see night.

If she is staying home tonight, arrange a person to be present or a check-in every few hours. This is a stopgap, not the plan. The plan comes in the next two days, once the immediate danger is handled and you can think clearly.

Who legally holds authority

Here is the mistake that traps families most often. You assume that because you are the child, you can talk to her doctors, move her money to pay for care, or sign her into a facility. You cannot, not automatically. An adult’s medical and financial decisions belong to that adult until they legally hand that authority to someone else.

Two documents do that. A durable power of attorney lets a person your parent names handle money, bills, and property. A health-care proxy (also called a health-care power of attorney) lets a named person make medical decisions when your parent cannot. Both must be signed while your parent still has the mental capacity to understand them.

If your parent has already lost that capacity and no documents exist, the only path left is a court guardianship or conservatorship. That process runs through a judge, often costs several thousand dollars in legal fees, and can take months. So if your parent can still sign today, this is the errand that cannot wait until next week.

One free phone call

You do not have to figure out local options alone, and you should not pay a private placement agent before you have used the free resource first. The Eldercare Locator, a public service run by the federal Administration for Community Living, connects you by ZIP code to your local Area Agency on Aging. These agencies exist in every part of the country. Their staff will walk you through in-home services, adult day programs, meal delivery, and how care is paid for, at no cost to you.

Make this call early. The wait for some services runs weeks, and the agency can start the clock while you handle everything else.

If your parent is in the hospital

If your parent was admitted after the fall, the hospital has a discharge planner or case manager whose job is to arrange the next level of care before release. Ask for that person by name on the first day, not the afternoon they hand you discharge papers. Rushed discharges are how families end up choosing a facility they never toured, in a single panicked afternoon.

Ask the discharge planner three things: what level of care does my parent need on release, what does insurance cover for it, and what are my choices. Their answers shape everything that follows.

In-home, assisted living, or nursing home

These three phrases get used interchangeably, and they are not the same thing. Here is the plain-English map.

Option	What it is	Who it suits	Who typically pays
In-home care	Aides come to your parent’s home for a few hours to full-time, helping with bathing, meals, and medication reminders	A parent who wants to stay home and is safe there with help	Mostly private pay; some covered by Medicaid waivers or VA benefits
Assisted living	A residential community with private apartments plus meals, activities, and help with daily tasks on site	A parent who needs daily help but not around-the-clock nursing	Mostly private pay; some state Medicaid waivers help with the care portion
Nursing home	A facility with 24-hour licensed nursing care for serious medical or mobility needs	A parent who needs skilled or constant medical care	Short skilled stays via Medicare; long-term custodial care via Medicaid or private pay

You do not have to pick the final setting in 72 hours. You have to pick the safe next step and keep the harder decision in view.

Mistakes that cost families

Three errors show up again and again, and each one is avoidable.

First, waiting for a second crisis. The first fall is the warning. Families who tell themselves it was a one-off often end up making every decision under emergency pressure after the second fall, with fewer good options.

Second, assuming you can act without legal authority. If you skip the power of attorney and proxy while your parent can still sign, you may be forced into a court guardianship later. That is the expensive, slow version of a thing you could have done in an afternoon.

Third, not calling the free Area Agency on Aging. Private placement services are paid by the facilities they steer you toward. The public agency is free and neutral. Start there.

The next 30, 60, and 90 days

By day 30, have the legal documents signed, a safe living arrangement in place even if temporary, and an intake started with your Area Agency on Aging. By day 60, tour the specific settings that fit your parent’s needs and budget, and gather the financial picture: income, assets, insurance, and any veteran status. By day 90, move to the arrangement that matches the real need, and if long-term care looks likely, learn how Medicaid long-term care rules work before you spend down assets in the wrong order.

The first fall reset your family’s timeline. Handled in sequence, the next three days set up every good decision that follows.

Frequently asked questions

My parent won’t admit she needs help. Can I make decisions anyway? Not without legal authority. If she still has mental capacity, the answer is a conversation, not a takeover, followed by signing a durable power of attorney and health-care proxy that name you. If she has lost capacity and signed nothing, you would need to petition a court for guardianship, which is slower and costly. Start the conversation before capacity becomes the question.

What does the Eldercare Locator actually do for me? It routes you by ZIP code to your local Area Agency on Aging, which is a free public office that maps in-home care, meal programs, adult day services, and how each is paid for. Think of it as the front door to every public elder-care resource in your parent’s community.

We are in the hospital right now. What is the one thing I should do today? Ask for the discharge planner or case manager by name, today, not on discharge day. Ask what level of care your parent needs on release, what insurance covers, and what your local choices are. Getting them involved early prevents a rushed placement into a facility you never toured.

Is assisted living the same as a nursing home? No. Assisted living offers apartments plus help with daily tasks for people who do not need constant nursing. A nursing home provides 24-hour licensed medical care. They differ in cost, in who pays, and in the level of need they serve. Matching the setting to the actual need is the whole decision.

How fast do I really need to sort out power of attorney? Before the next crisis, not after. These documents only work while your parent can understand and sign them. Once capacity is gone, the only route left is a court guardianship. If your parent can sign today, treat it as the errand that cannot slip.